How To Become a Thuper Affiliate Blogger Overnight
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say at least 9/10 people reading this aren’t really making a significant income online. Via affiliate marketing, blogging, SEO, whatever. Well I’m about to tell you how to turn that around with a little bit of simple writing. You see, becoming a super affiliate blogger really is a lot easier than you’d think, you actually don’t even have to know anything. You’re going to really sense the satire in this post, but also know that everything is true.
Step 1 : Pick a name that dictates you from the start.
You want people’s first impression of you to be that of a self-proclaimed badass, chances are they’ll believe it. Examples :
In the least, include something like “I Make Money Online By Telling People How I Make Money Online” in the title of your blog. All people want from your blog (in most cases) is to learn how to make money. Remember…you don’t actually have to be an uber affiliate, you just need people to think you are.
Step 2 : Regurgitate some already known tips.
Go to my affiliate marketing guide, or visit other affiliate marketing blogs around the web. Read all the content that’s been talked about a billion times (like how to track with php, why more content on your site gives you a better quality score, how to write adcopy, etc). Use words like “laser-targeted” and “server side tracking”. You don’t even have to know what you mean by that, it just makes you sound pro.
Step 3 : B/s current events.
Bring up some fancy Google Trends swine flu graph :
And talk about the huge spike in the graph, and that you should be capitalizing on selling immune system rebill products. Now people will think you’re keeping up with current events, and they can check back on your blog for more current events. Even though you pointed out an obvious fact and just pulled a Google Trends graph. Case in point. Not many comments on that post but that’s because it was one of the first. It did it’s job.
Step 4 : Land a big guest post somewhere to explode your readership.
By this point, you have a name like DancingWithTheSuperAffiliates.com and a tagline like “Ex-Blackhat Conman” to give people the impression that you’re straight out of a Clint Eastwood movie. You also have a small reserve of posts that are going to make you look like you know what you’re talking about, and that you keep up with the industry. It’s time to get your readers.
This could be one of the most difficult steps, because you actually have to write something that’s worth a guest post somewhere. For me, I had to sacrifice breaking Facebook ads on Shoemoney to get my readers. It was a great article though and I think I had over 1,000 readers a week later. Once you have a kick-start like that, your readers will start linking to your future posts, about regurgitated tips and common sense current events.
Step 5 : The Earnings Screenshot
This one is absolutely necessary if you want a following that will pause their campaigns at your will/recommendation.
As demonstrated by previous heroes of our past, you can completely fake the screenshot. If you’re then caught doing so (which you have to be really stupid), just come back and say “EDIT : This edit came in before people called me out. That check isn’t mine, I only posted the picture for entertainment purposes. I did make that money though…”
Step 6 : Linkbait and Commotion
Any decent blogger can be good at writing link bait. Have you noticed the hundred links in this post already? Also I don’t mean it’s required that you get a ton of links back to your article, starting a good fuss in the comments section usually does the trick as well. You want to keep people engaged in your blog, and also entertain them. I think people like when I post something they don’t agree with, because they get to speak up against me.
Step 7 : Ads, Review Posts, etc
Things like ads and review posts can add a sense of legitimacy I think in a blog. If people are buying ad spots and review posts, the blog must be worth something. Keep in mind, nobody actually has to buy a review post/ad spot for it to look like they have. Put in some affiliate network ads and review posts (that they didn’t ask you to do) and pop in your referral link.
Follow all these steps and you may actually turn yourself into the super affiliate you’re claiming to be. You’ll make money from the ads to put into PPC, and have networks begging you for your traffic that doesn’t exist.
Cool people (and friends) mentioned in this post :
Kris (Cash Tactics)
kick-ass! and Ride like the wind, and put the CDs in the mail
Uber – this is one of your best blog posts yet!
Awesome post man. It is amazing how many people actually do try to follow this kind of blueprint. You can’t simply follow exactly what others are doing, because most of the time that is only half of the story.
You jacked up my link :( Now no one will read my blog…
I jacked up your name, shit my bad!
was laughin so hard this morning reading this.
HA I didn’t even realize that.
No link love?! Ah – I must not be a thuper duper affiliate anymore! ;)
How ya been bro?
You going to pubcon / poker tourney? I’d love to chill if you were.
Also remember to sell out the entire industry at your first chance to get yourself a guest post on a mainstream-ish site
Haha, sorry mate I couldn’t find anything thuper extreme, I remembered you posted some earnings I couldn’t find it on my first search so I just gave up haha.
I won’t be at pubcon (never gone to one actually). I MIGHT be going to ASW but I’m not even sure on that. It’s been a while! You’re a married man now, crazy stuff.
“Shoes”, “Chop Sticks”, “Cakes”,”Cash”, “Ch ADD”and “U beer” all mention here. Nice to see all inventory in one place.
hahah Great stuff, funny thing is that stuff will works great too.
Well, interesting post. True, I am in the 90% who doesn’t make money. But I did not understand the part about faking screen shots… I think that is not fair, perhaps even illegal?
So you are not a Super Affiliate at all then. Pretty obvious when you live in a cheap-ass $200k house!
thanks for the tips! I think that they are helpful, I’d personally add interesting topics or generally content that draws peoples attention. It always works… you need to know what people seek for and just give it to them;)
lols.. good one.. the SHORTcut to a thuper affiliate lifestyle..
The only way to have a great blog is to have a great content. YOu can do all the stuff you just said to get a buzz going – but if you have crap for content no the buzz will simmer out. PERIOD : )
great post Paul
I want to place an affiliate banner ad on my blog site and I cannot find information on where to paste the hoplink code. I have tried pasting the code randomly within the html code but I can’t seem to find the right spot.
Great post! It has been really fun reading through this. Indeed, these techniques sound good. Anyone can try this out and make a name for himself in the Web world. Thanks for sharing.
Lolz t hats a good and funny post
Brutal honesty is definitely your modus operandi. Salesmanship is all about how you tell the story, and if you deviate from the truth by telling people what they want to hear, so be it. If it works it works! I just don’t think many bloggers have the balls to stand up and do their dirty laundry in public like you just have. You’re a much braver man than me!
Its best post i have ever seen, very practical way of making others believe that you are really making money…
Just a question… if you get caught faking screen shots, isn’t that illegal too other than unethical?
Just go to layout and click on links item.Now add a new link.Insert the hoplink in the url box and a suitable title for the product you are prmoting…
have anyone tried cashtactics ??? its mention in the list , but one of my friend said they are big fake company??? is that true?
great ideas..i don’t know which one i will start first but i’ll try everything
I got an interesting idea from this post and comments thanks everybody
You realize you gave cakes a shout out at the end right?
Anything that you can do which gives you credibility (such as a screenshot of a payout) will really have people perk up and take notice.
When you have a killer domain name people think “wow, how’d that person get a name that great?!”
I didn’t go for a keyword specific domain name (which I know would have been a good choice) but I wanted to treat it as personal branding instead of being “that blog”.